The Only One I Want
by GGAddict129
Summary: "Rufus and I….slept together." The words that made her heart sink, her jaw drop, and her mind frame crash. She couldn't believe it. Her Rufus, the love of her life with another woman. Her heart ached and she was numb with emotions." AlternateFiction 3x21
1. Chapter 1

An alternate version of the encounter in Season 3, Episode 21, where Holland announces she slept with Rufus. What if it went this way instead? Please review.

"Rufus and I….slept together." The words that made her heart sink, her jaw drop, and her mind frame crash. She couldn't believe it. Her Rufus, the love of her life with another woman. A feeling she hadn't felt in a long time bubbled in her chest. Her heart ached. She couldn't feel anything. She was numb from her emotions. She faintly heard Rufus say, "What?" and Holland apologize, but she couldn't process anything. The worst thing was that she understood why he had done it. That didn't make it okay, but she had driven him to doing it. In all the years they'd been together, he'd never so much as looked at another woman, despite groupies throwing themselves at him. Yet he'd never batted an eyelash in their direction. That's why it hurt so badly. It hurt her insides. Because she'd driven him into doing it. She had told him that she kissed William. She knew Rufus had suspected more had happened. It was really her own fault. Her lie had caught up to her. But how could she look at him knowing he had made love to another woman? She looked down to hide the tear droplets that were beginning to form in her eyes and to avoid meeting Rufus's eyes.

"This is absurd," Rufus said, confused etched on his face. She would've seen it if she had dared look into his eyes.

Serena spoke to Lily and she had to force herself to reply. She felt her throat beginning to get scratchy from the tears she was suppressing. William offered to take care of it and she walked upstairs her poise starting to falter. She walked as if she was in pain. And she was. She was in pain. She needed to get out of this room though. She couldn't stand being near Rufus. She didn't hate him. She didn't have the right to hate him. But she couldn't look at him.

She walked into her bedroom arms wrapped tightly around her, holding herself together. She put her hand over her throat, hoping to massage the pain that was now caught in her throat and gazed out the window not seeing anything. Thinking how she always managed to screw up things with Rufus. This was inadvertently her fault in a twisted kind of way. She heard footsteps and she immediately knew it was Rufus. She took a deep breath and tried to mentally prepare for talking with Rufus.

"Lil, I'm sorry. I had no idea she was an insane person," was the first thing that came out of Rufus's mouth as he entered the room exhaustedly. He was just so sick and tired of the constant problems that arisen. They had finally just gotten over the letter from William, not stupid shit was getting in between them again. Stupid lies. He didn't fully understand why Holland would lie. What did she have to gain? But how could he even think about sleeping with Holland when he had a beautiful woman like Lily? Sure. He had gone there with those thoughts subconsciously in his mind, but when the time came he couldn't do it. He loved Lily too much, despite the problems they may have.

Without missing a beat Lily replied, "Look. I don't want to discuss this with you.' She began walking away, still not looking at him.

'Then who do you want to discuss this with, Lil?" His voice was slightly raised. He couldn't take the fighting. He couldn't deal with it anymore.

She didn't answer, but stood coldly with her back to him.

In a quieter and calmer voice, he spoke again, "You-You don't actually think I slept with her. Do you?" It was an honest question. How could she doubt him? After all the times, he'd professed his undying love for her, how could she think that suddenly that had changed?

"What does she have to gain standing here, humiliating herself in front of our family?" Her voice was slightly raised, but not very. She was desperately trying to keep her cool but it was harder than usual.

"I don't know what the hell's going on, I just know she's lying."

"Yeah, well, it'd be a lot easier to be if you hadn't left her scarf at your apartment." She walked away and touched her neck: her nervous habit.

"Lil, we went over this," his words were gentle, "I told you nothing happened."

Her exterior was up now.

"Rufus, you of all people can understand why I might have a doubt. You didn't speak to me for weeks after you found that letter from William?"

"Maybe you would do that, but I wouldn't and I didn't."

"And you honestly expect me to believe that?" 

"Yes, I do, Lil, because it's the truth." He was imploring her to believe him.

She rolled her eyes.

"Lil, I don't know how to make you believe that I didn't sleep with her. But Lil, how could I do something like that to you? Lil, I love you. I told you I went there. I'm not going to deny that subconsciously I thought about sleeping with her to even the score between us, but I couldn't do it, Lil. The only person I want kissing me is you. The only person I want to hold in my arms is you. The only person I want to ever make love to is you, Lily," tears were in his eyes, "I don't think you understand my need for you, Lil. Those weeks we didn't talk? I didn't feel complete. Lil, I waited over twenty years to be with you, do you honestly think I'd screw it up just to sleep with some woman who doesn't even compare to you in any capacity?"

And that's when she began to cry because she couldn't hold it in any longer. She was so confused.

Her crying pained him deeply, he reached over to pat her on the shoulder and she laid her head on his chest. Still crying profusely she allowed him to engulf her into his arms and closed her eyes, soaking in the fact that she was in his arms.

"Fuck you, Rufus," Lily said in exasperation, confused by her emotions (something that never happened).

"If you insist, Lil," he replied, a smirk playing on his face. He quickly picked her up and placed her gently on the bed.

She smiled at him as she pulled his face closer and met his lips with a desperation, an intense need. It wasn't long before she roughly reached up to take his shirt off. She ran his fingers through his hair, as he began nibbling at her collar bone and kissing her neck. She rolled on top of him, straddling him. She took off her blouse and discarded it somewhere across the room. He looked at her admiringly as he reached up to unclip her hair. She smiled at him tenderly as she reached back to unhook her bra and he quickly switched places with her so that he was on top.

"I love you, Lil," he said gently in her ear as he pulled her closer.


	2. Chapter 2

After, they lay entwined with one another, entrapped in one another's arms, Rufus spoke. "I'm guessing you believe me." A coy smile was playing on his face.

Suddenly she began to cry.

"Lil, what's wrong?" Worry was etched on his face.

"What's not wrong, Rufus? I'm confused and I'm crying. You know I never cry. Everything these past few months have been so screwed up, and everything just seems to keep going wrong. First it was William's letter, then my sickness, now it's Holland. I just can't keep up with it, Rufus. I usually feel indestructible, but right now I don't, Rufus. Right now I don't."

"I know. For these last few months, it's been a constant battle between you and I. I know. Believe me. I do. But I also know, I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you. So I'm fighting for you. I'm fighting for us. I'm never letting you go, Lil. I love you too much not to be with you," he gazed into her eyes passionately, "And you are indestructible, Lil. Don't ever let anyone break you down." He pulled her in for a hug.

She sighed. She trusted him. It was just so hard not to suspect the worst in him.

"We should probably get back out there; before they start thinking I murdered you."

He laughed at that. They quickly got up and put their clothes back on. Lily pinned her hair back up and started putting make up on.

"Rufus Humphrey!" Lily bellowed from the bathroom. He came running as fast as he could.

"What happened, Lil?"

"You gave me a hickey, Rufus. Right on my neck! Now the whole world can see it! I can't even cover it with make up!"

"Do you want another one on the other side to match?" He asked as he leaned his head to kiss her neck, she ducked instead bringing his lips to crush on top of hers.

She pulled away slowly and began to walk towards the bedroom door to leave he turned to follow, before they had exited Lily stopped and spun around. "I believe you, by the way. I haven't told you that, but I believe you didn't sleep with her."

He smiled upon her realization, so happy that lies wouldn't come between them anymore. "I love you, Lil."

"I love you too, my darling."


	3. Chapter 3

Rufus and Lily sashayed down the steps. They decided to get to the bottom of this and find out what was happening.

Serena entered the room just as Rufus and Lily descended the staircase.

Seeing them there with Rufus hand grasping Lily's Serena spoke, "Don't tell me you've forgiven him, Mom."

"Serena, I really don't think that's you're concern, nor is it your decision to make."

"None of my concern?" she said in a quiet, but deadly tone, "You change husbands more than the weather change and you tell me it's none of my concern?" The volume of her voice had grown, drawing the attention of Jenny, Eric, Dan, and William.

"What's going on?" Eric asked cautiously.

"Everybody calm down," Lily said attempting to smooth the situation.

"Rufus and I are working things out. I don't think anything happened between him and Holland."

"Why because he told you he didn't? I can't believe you believe him, Mom! How can you trust him? Why can't you get it through your head? He's a lying asshole!"

"That's enough, Serena." Lily's tone was deadly and demanding, "I think you should show him a little more respect than that. Don't you dare stand there and pretend that he hasn't been like a father to you this past year. Not only he is there to offer you advice and does he genuinely care about you, but he's also the only thing that stood between me murdering you for not going to Brown. If I recall correctly, he's supported you throughout you "finding yourself". He dragged me to that movie premiere with Olivia in it so that you could prove yourself to me. Did you conveniently forget about that? Not only should you SHOULD you show Rufus respect, but you OWE him respect."

"How am I supposed to have respect for a man that cheated on my mother?"

"Serena, I didn't cheat on your mother. I would never—COULD never. I don't know why Holland said that, but rest assured I will find out. And in all honestly, I think I'd rather sleep with William."

Lily burst out into a fit of giggles and Rufus wrapped his arm around her waist.

"Mom, it's not funny at all."

Lily's laughter ceased immediately. "Give it up, Serena. We're done discussing this."

Serena furiously stomped out of the room.

"I'm thinking we should call Holland and have a little talk," Lily suggested.


End file.
